The awaken

 

It's been a long time since I last wrote a post.... It was like I kept dormant for so long....I tried to keep it inside of me all this whole time.... but now came the time when I can't take it anymore...I need to expel it all out...and since no one understands how I really feel then my only resort is to write it down...hopefully, someone will read and even understand so little of what am passing through right now....

From now on the posts am going to write will be related. They are all about one main huge topic...
They are all about " FRIENDSHIP"....
So from where should I start?!!
I am used to be alone.... even when a lot of people around me...I know tons of people but when it comes to friendship.... NONE!!
What is friendship?! what does it mean?! I don't know actually I never felt it....and every time I meet someone and I start to feel that I might have a friend of a lifetime or what people say intimate!!! it turns out to be the same tragedy as the one before.
some people noticed that I have become so cold lately.... like I no longer show my feelings towards them whether love, care, hatred, envy. Etc 
well this is true I no longer am capable of expressing those feelings...Why?! Cause its weakness...
I used to show love, care, compassion, sympathy all these feelings and what did I get in return?!! 
betrayal, trust, hatred, gossip, every shit you can imagine...so why bother myself?! I don't love anymore ...to humans mainly...I show my love to animals at least they can feel and interact with me way better than humans can!!
Call me crazy, psychic I don't give a damn...I appear in front of everyone as am mad of steel and nothing can break me but the ugly truth is am on nothing but broken pieces of glass glued together and causing massive pain and agony...
No one knows me, cause no one even bother to do so...
and they blame me in the end....how am I supposed to give when I don't get anything in return?!! 
to feel that I am worth nothing in someone's life....I have had enough...and I am really so sick of trying to hide it all inside of me!! it eats me from inside!! but what to do!!! the best thing is to fake it...or each and every day you are going to have a fight with someone...
This weird tendency to cry every single second....and a normal thing that seems senseless to most people can cause me to shed my tears...I cry for silly things now....and am being very emotional and I hate it...it feels so weak...and not knowing what to do is making it way worse!!
well hope words could change  things but sadly they don't!!
So I guess it's enough for now...and wait for my next posts people we are going to cover up a lot of aspects concerning friendship and related topics