The Vortex

 So, from where do I start?! what am I supposed to say? or let's rephrase this to how am I supposed to express how I feel? it's just getting too hard these days, all I can do is either to shut up, be talkative with a fake smile, or just cry myself to sleep !!

I seriously don't know what's wrong with me?! why did it affect so much this time?! I tried to be really cautious, really not to get emotionally involved. Yet I guess that this is something that happens spontaneously and we can't just control. So what now?! I am full of a "VORTEX of EMOTIONS “. so hard to express what am I feeling right now?! I am just feeling that o have a tight chest. Like there is a huge weight over my heart, making it so difficult to breathe. 
And when they ask me what's wrong with you, I either say am fine, or I start talking and all I get are valueless words. I don't even feel their empathy, as if they don't care. And all the things they say, they just don’t heal the pain. They never understand how hard it is to conceal it and keep it all inside of me, I can’t take it anymore. 
I am just a human being, I appear so strong, so emotionless, so heartless, but inside of me I am just a hurricane of contradicting emotions and thoughts. why don't I have the right to be sad? to moor? to feel alone? to feel empty? to cry?  
I believe in fate, and I believe that sometimes God takes away things we want the most because they are not good for us, And I thank God for every situation I am in, either good or bad. But it just makes me sad, it makes me feel hurt, it makes me feel lost. 
people don't understand, they tell me move on and forget about it. I do!! I conceal it and just fake a smile. I move on and live my life. But what remains inside of me?! Pain, Rage, Agony....I no longer can trust or love anyone anymore. I don't feel people's love or sympathy. I don't believe anyone anymore....
So where will I go from that point then? when will it get better?! 
The wounds will heal, but the scars will always remain, and every time u get heart the scar gets bigger and bigger until it just fills your heart and eats your soul.... In the end you will feel empty!!! In the end you will you will just be a living dead..............